Daily Archives: May 17, 2012

“The Perfect Family” Is A Perfect Flop

Ari Gold was trying to tell Kathleen Turner her next career will be as an extra.


Many of you probably know how the movie industry in the US works: a movie with any pretence of success will “open” in a great number of screens during a weekend (Friday to Sunday). This is considered a sufficiently valid statistical basis to see how the movie will perform in the following weeks. The (for us Europeans at least) shocking result is that even big productions get one weekend to work at the box office, and if the verdict of the first weekend is bad the production is doomed, will be retired from most cinema screen and will be relegated to an early DVD release with few hopes of commercial success. At the same time, to be the leading role in a movie which flops big leaves a big stain on an actor’s career, and might kill it altogether. The TV series “Entourage” (a rather harsh and far too vulgar, but obsessively faithful and very interesting representation of the workings of the movie industry) goes into the entire matter in great detail. 

You would, then, think a movie managing to get something more than  $14,000 in an entire weekend is destined to be counted among the biggest flops of all times. Well, “The Perfect Family” managed to do this, showing to the idiots who had put money in it these aren’t the times for anti-Catholic propaganda.

As you may or may not known, the movie was intended as a ferocious satire of Catholic values and good Catholic families. It starred Kathleen Turner, evidently desperate after 18 years without a major role and now probably destined to play her next big roles at office gatherings and confirmation parties (no; actually, not those either…).

The movie was not only anti-Catholic, but it was anti-Catholic in the stupidest way imaginable: in the way cretinous liberals think they can attack the Church, get away with it and, if they are really stupid, even make money. Alas, it doesn’t work like  that.

Notice, though, that USD 14,000 is not even very low, it is basically nothing. It means this movie managed to be universally hated, or instinctively avoided, even by people who hadn’t read any review about it.  It means a movie about the history of the semicolon would have attracted more interest and far more sympathies. If means this is more than a flop; this is a catastrophe of legendary proportions. If it doesn’t get in Hollywood history as one of the biggest mistakes of all times is purely because the embarrassment is too big to even be remembered.

Congratulations to the executive producers of the movie, and to Kathleen Turner for the wise decision of putting a definitive end to her starring hopes. They all get what they have deserved.





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