Suggestion Nr 7 worked a treat...
As we live in an age of obvious buffoonery, where even Popes care more for their own popularity than for the dignity of the Petrine office, I allow myself to suggest the following measures. They will, no doubt, greatly increase Francis' popularity among the dim witted.
1. Francis as singer by the “X-Factor”. I'd suggest “Don't cry for me Argentina” as best suited.
2. Francis as judge in a tango competition. Make no mistake, he'll enjoy that.
3. “I am a Pope, get me out of here”. Live from the Papal Apartments. The Dalai Lama and Rabbi Skorka as participants to promote ecumenism and add diversity. Eugenio Scalfari will be asked, too.
4. Peter Tatchell invited to the Vatican. Monsignor Ricca can make the introductions. Tour of the “gay sauna” establishments around the Vatican (strictly without Francis).
5. Demise of the white clerical habit. Jeans and trainers instead. Variations according to the occasion, e.g. Rainbow sweater when receiving Tatchell, “What Would Jesus Do”-hoody with the boys of the Favela, a more formal blue blazer and khaki trousers combination – the trousers with crease, but no tie – to receive Mr Putin.
6. WWD: World Wheelchair Day. Ten or twenty thousand wheelchairs in St.Peter's square. Francis can review them like a general his army. Frequent getting out of the Renault 4. Insisted embracing and blessing of those with the worst diseases. Photographs near at all times.
7. Putting on a red clown nose to show his support for Comic Relief. They help abortionists and, I am told, homosexualists, but who are we to judge. Tatchell is a friend of Ricca anyway. At least they have similar taste.
Oops. We have that with the red nose already. See picture. Apologies.
8. Francis as Father Christmas. They will be delighted at the HuffPo. So much “in touch”.
9. Francis on all four playing with ethnically diverse children of all religions and none. Scalfari's grandchildren – or their children – could be an excellent idea. Parents present at all times.
These are merely some short suggestions off-the-cuff. Francis' media advisors will certainly be able to improve on this.
The goal must be twenty million Twitter followers in the next three months.
Welcome to the Age of Buffoonery.