Piddling Over Catholicism.

The pattern is always the same.

The Bishop of Rome inadvertently – or not, as the case may be – piddles outside of the urinal, and leaves a huge pool of stinking liquid material. The world get very excited at the urine pool, and praises the modern pope whose style of piddling is so different from his predecessors'.

The cleaning squad (generally Fr Lombardi and/or Fr Rosica) then intervenes, has the urine pool cleaned, and issues a press release along the following lines: “The Pontiff is supposed to piddle in the urinal. We confirm this is what the urinal has always been for. We aren't there when the Pope piddles, and can therefore not say exactly what has happened. It is not true that the Pope plans to abolish urinals, but we cannot comment as to the Pope's piddling style.”

Then they go to Francis and implore him to do things properly, in order to show the world he is not as atrociously bad as he continuously proves he is.

Francis, who is a Jesuit, is happy to oblige.

“What do you need then, Father?” , he will ask the poor martyr of the day.

“An intervention in favour of the indissolubility of marriage would certainly be fitting, Holy Father. We cannot give doctrinal advice via press release, and when you have just made a huge pool of urine for everyone to see we would not be credible anyway. It should really come from you, Your Holiness”.

“Well, then, my dear lad. I will do as you say. We must not confuse Catholics, must we now?”

“No, Santita'. We cannot”.

And so it always comes to pass that some time after the latest scandal, Francis pisses in the urinal once. He may say to a pro-life audience that abortion is murder, or to a pro-marriage audience that marriage is sacred. This doesn't upset the liberals much, because they understand the implications and the duties of the office; but it has the Pollyannas screaming in girly excitement, and complaining that once more the wolves within the Vatican have moved the urinals overnight, in order to let Francis look bad. “I can't believe the urinal was at his place”, some of them will say. “It must be so, that it has been removed without warning the Holy Father, who has a certain age and no time to go looking around for missing urinals. They are working against him, poor innocent lamb”.

Still, after Francis has piddled in the right direction once, they will all be satisfied.

“See? Francis surely knows how to take aim! What did you think?” They will hasten to write everywhere. Aaahh, normality again. How beautiful…

Three weeks later, the next huge urine pool is there, the cleaning squad intervenes, and the procedure begins anew.

And now, my dear reader, some words of warning: if you think that the comparison between Francis' antics and the pool of urine is inappropriate, you really need to give a hard look at yourself, and candidly assess whether you care for Catholicism. Because if you do, you will instantly realise that what this man has been doing, and continues to do without caring in the least for the ceaseless scandals, is infinitely worse than any urine pool you could imagine if Francis had the bladder of an elephant.

It is astonishing that we live in times where saying that people living in very public sin endanger their soul causes scandal; but a Pope literally urinating over Catholicism any time he feels like it, or thinks his interlocutor will be pleased at the exercise, is cause, for most, of nothing more than some very mild, and very pious discomfort.

What a black day, the day this man was made a priest.




Posted on April 28, 2014, in Catholicism, Conservative Catholicism, Traditional Catholicism and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Indeed. Among the most damning aspects of this papal putsch, is the fact that a chief pillar on which its most vocal partisans rely, is the ability to say, “I told you the pope is Catholic!” The fervor with which his well timed, exculpatory, orthodox statements are vaunted is itself an indication of how precious, and thus exceptional, they are–although this damning disparity cannot be consciously recognized by his cheerleaders. Meanwhile, he refuels on grappa in order to urinate elsewhere just as dramatically, when the flock is calm again. They need their sleep if they are to keep their pom-poms aloft.

  2. This little bit of Church History regarding troubled and troubling popes may make you feel more calm; I hope not worse. It was compiled when Pope John Paul ii was very ill, so it does not include Pope Benedict xvi at all. The paragraphs following the canon citations are interesting.

  3. St. Benedict's Thistle

    There is a remedy for this kind of indiscriminate incontinence…a diaper.

  4. No matter what F says now, it will be too little too late and too much damage done. The future of the Church lies with those prepared to defend Her Truths and strength through prayer and fasting. Ultimately God will intervene and have the last say.

  5. It is reasonable to suppose that his recent statements on the value of ‘clear doctrine’ on the indissolubility of marriage are the work of his speech writers in full damage limitation mode, coming as they do hard on the heels of that telephone conversation.

    As you say, he’s happy to oblige them. Who know what he really believes? Hard to be sure of anything he says. We really can’t assume anything.

    • Yes, I am pretty sure every time he piddles all over the pavement there is an army of people imploring him to be Catholic for a minute or two.


  6. greatpretender51

    Peeing on something is a very evocative act of contempt – e.g. Churchill peeing on the Siegfried Line during WWII, and General Patton doing the same into the Rhine River, both to express their contempt for the Nazis. Perhaps we need a new book about Francis the Red-Nosed’s Papacy and his contempt for the Faith: The Pee Flows into the TIber…

    • Yes, like Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David doing the “comedy” episode in 2009 about Larry urinating on Jesus’ face because His portrait was near the toilet in the Catholic employee’s bathroom. Supposedly that’s very funny stuff and of course there were no major complications whatsoever because Jesus and Christians are always fair targets for contempt, especially in Hollywood.

    • I remember the episode (it’s “curb your enthusiasm”).
      If the bathroom had had a Koran picture, it would not have gone down so well.
      But boy, Larry David is one funny Jew.

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