Piddling Over Catholicism.
The pattern is always the same.
The Bishop of Rome inadvertently – or not, as the case may be – piddles outside of the urinal, and leaves a huge pool of stinking liquid material. The world get very excited at the urine pool, and praises the modern pope whose style of piddling is so different from his predecessors'.
The cleaning squad (generally Fr Lombardi and/or Fr Rosica) then intervenes, has the urine pool cleaned, and issues a press release along the following lines: “The Pontiff is supposed to piddle in the urinal. We confirm this is what the urinal has always been for. We aren't there when the Pope piddles, and can therefore not say exactly what has happened. It is not true that the Pope plans to abolish urinals, but we cannot comment as to the Pope's piddling style.”
Then they go to Francis and implore him to do things properly, in order to show the world he is not as atrociously bad as he continuously proves he is.
Francis, who is a Jesuit, is happy to oblige.
“What do you need then, Father?” , he will ask the poor martyr of the day.
“An intervention in favour of the indissolubility of marriage would certainly be fitting, Holy Father. We cannot give doctrinal advice via press release, and when you have just made a huge pool of urine for everyone to see we would not be credible anyway. It should really come from you, Your Holiness”.
“Well, then, my dear lad. I will do as you say. We must not confuse Catholics, must we now?”
“No, Santita'. We cannot”.
And so it always comes to pass that some time after the latest scandal, Francis pisses in the urinal once. He may say to a pro-life audience that abortion is murder, or to a pro-marriage audience that marriage is sacred. This doesn't upset the liberals much, because they understand the implications and the duties of the office; but it has the Pollyannas screaming in girly excitement, and complaining that once more the wolves within the Vatican have moved the urinals overnight, in order to let Francis look bad. “I can't believe the urinal was at his place”, some of them will say. “It must be so, that it has been removed without warning the Holy Father, who has a certain age and no time to go looking around for missing urinals. They are working against him, poor innocent lamb”.
Still, after Francis has piddled in the right direction once, they will all be satisfied.
“See? Francis surely knows how to take aim! What did you think?” They will hasten to write everywhere. Aaahh, normality again. How beautiful…
Three weeks later, the next huge urine pool is there, the cleaning squad intervenes, and the procedure begins anew.
And now, my dear reader, some words of warning: if you think that the comparison between Francis' antics and the pool of urine is inappropriate, you really need to give a hard look at yourself, and candidly assess whether you care for Catholicism. Because if you do, you will instantly realise that what this man has been doing, and continues to do without caring in the least for the ceaseless scandals, is infinitely worse than any urine pool you could imagine if Francis had the bladder of an elephant.
It is astonishing that we live in times where saying that people living in very public sin endanger their soul causes scandal; but a Pope literally urinating over Catholicism any time he feels like it, or thinks his interlocutor will be pleased at the exercise, is cause, for most, of nothing more than some very mild, and very pious discomfort.
What a black day, the day this man was made a priest.