Ten Profound And Serene Sermon Suggestions For Busy Popes

1) Environment

The planet is the greatest gift God gave us. No, forget Christ’s Sacrifice on the Cross. I mean the planet. Why would Christ be so important? Salvation, you say? Ah, eh, but if we follow our conscience we are all saved, no? 

Now, little children, pay attention: God forgives everything, no? Adultery, fornication, apostasy, heathenism, everything! But Creation, Creation will not forgive you! Ha! Think of it, when you pluck a flower, no? 

2) Goodness. 

We must be good. Because to be good is better than to be bad, no? And we are all bad at times, eh? But then we meet some profound and serene theologian, and then we can all go to communion, no? 

3) Holy Ghost 

The Holy Ghost is holy. Very holy. He is holy and He is a ghost, I think, which is why we call Him the Holy Ghost, no? We must listen to the Holy Ghost, little ones! When people tell us: “no, don’t listen to the Holy Ghost! There could be trouble in store!” We must answer: “eh?”.  I mean, we must answer: “no, don’t close the door to the Holy Ghost! He would remain out! In the cold!And the rain! Without even an umbrella! 

4) Angels 

We are superior to angels. They are inferior to us, no? No, really, children: take it from me. You see, an Angel can never be at the “outskirts”, eh? And if he is not at the outskirts, how can he be any good? No? We are the centre of everything, no? Yes, take this from me again! Well, then… 

5) Time of Mercy 

We live in the time of mercy. Mercy is good, no? Mercy is better than revenge, eh? We are all in need of mercy, at time. Some of us have counted their rosaries, and others live with their concubines, no? This is not good, eh? I mean, the rosary? They have sent me more than 3,000 of them! Counted! Please, don’t laugh! 

Mercy also mean we can all have our little slips, no? Like a bit of sodomy, eh? But if you have a good heart and follow the Lord, who am I to judge?* (*© Francis 2013). 

6) The Four Last Things 

I can never imagine God would do more than slap us on the wrist, no? I mean, come on! Seriously? 

7) Social Justice

There are so many poor around! Being poor is good, but not being poor is very, very bad! Being poor is good, but it is bad that there are the poor, no? I mean, make poverty history! ¡Hasta la Victoria siempre! In South America we are very strict on social justice, and look ar how prosperous we are! 

8) Doctrinal security. 

Doctrinal security is very bad, because it attracts people who count rosaries, no? It also offends people of other faiths, or none, eh? We all offend at times, but we must not do it, hey? People who count rosaries are bad. Doctrinal security is good only if you aren’t too sure, no? If you really must say it, say “I think I am sure”! It’s better when we all get along, no? 

9) Judging. 

We must not judge. We must not do like the Neo-Pelagians, Restorationists, Old Maids, Flight Assistants, Pharisees, Rosary-Counters, Joyless people, people who pray by rote, unsmiling Catholics, Catholics with excessive doctrinal security, and gossipets. All these people have no faith, and we must not be like them, because to be like them is to be judgmental, no? 

10) Sodomy 

There are bad things in the Vatican, no? I mean, Leprosy! But if one is gay (yes, I said “gay”) and seeks The Lord, who am I to judge, hey? And they don’t go around with ID cards, no? But it’s bad, bad! My friend the Monsignor described it to me in detail! Boy, it was ugly! 

Mundabor

 

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Errata Corrige

The newspapers report that Antonio Banderas will be the first man to interpret both Che Guevara and the Pope. 

Wrong. 

He will be the second. 

The first is, very obviously, Jorge Bergoglio.

M 

Journey Into A Confused Mind

The second incorrect attitude is the temptation to limit ourselves to creatures, as if they can provide the answer to all our expectations. With the gift of knowledge, the Holy Spirit helps us not to give in to all of this…but I would like to return to the first wrong path…Custodians Creation, not Masters of Creation it is a gift that the Lord has given us, to us! We are Custodians of Creation. But when we exploit Creation we destroy the sign of God’s love for us, in destroying Creation we are saying to God: “I don’t like it!. This is not good!” “So what do you like?” “I like myself!” – Here, this is sin! Do you see? Custody of Creation is custody of God’s gift to us and it is also a way of saying thank you to God. I am the master of Creation but to carry it forward I will never destroy your gift. And this should be our attitude towards Creation. Safeguard Creation. Because if we destroy Creation, Creation will destroy us! Never forget this!

I frankly do not know how this man can look at himself in the mirror and not be ashamed. 

Already the childish, primitive talk (very probably already doctored for the print) shows either half-illiteracy or a patronising, condescending attitude. In the first case he is probably retarded, in the second he more than probably thinks we are. 

The content is even worse. Are we Masters of Creation, or not? Is it a sin to like oneself? Is Creation a god-like Pagan creature? Is God’s love to us showed primarily in Creation? I thought God’s love for us is showed in the most astonishingly beautiful act of love of all times? 

Is it possible to ignore that whatever this man says is completely man-centred, totally earthly, and consistently aimed at directing people’s gaze away from heaven and down on this earth? 

What is happening here is not only that the Emperor has no clothes. Here we have a naked Emperor going around singing obscene sailors’ songs, whilst an army of sycophants praises the extreme wisdom of his poetic expressions. 

Please, Lord: in your good time, take this chalice away from us, and from your Holy Church. 

M 

 

 

Praying By Rote

Why have all generations before us prayed mostly by rote? 

Because they were illiterate? It can’t be: even the most educated men of the past have always prayed by rote without any problem. 

Because they did not care? Clearly not: through all centuries of best Christian spirituality, prayer by rote was the Gold Standard. 

Because they were “Pharisees”? This is absurd, as it implies that Christianity has been dominated by Phariseism basically since inception; an argument I would expect, if at all, from a Hindu. 

The simple truth is that Christians have always prayed by rote for at least two reasons: Jesus Himself taught us to pray by rote; and praying by rote is the best guarantee of orthodox prayer, which in turn is a pretty good ingredient of orthodox thinking, which in turn leads to orthodox living. 

When I pray by rote, I am led along a Catholic railway from which no excursions on the left or right are allowed. Valuable information sinks in my consciousness and can be recalled at a moment’s time. I can be sure that my prayer is not involuntary straying from the straight and narrow and venturing into strange territory. 

Conversely, it is impossible not to notice that cafeteria Cathoicism goes hand in hand with “spontaneous” prayer, and that this becomes more and more pronounced as we wander in the dark regions of dissent. Which makes sense, as dissent is the open refusal to follow the Catholic railtrack, and cafeteria Catholicism is, if not as bad, certainly a dislike for it even in its mildest form. 

Prayer by rote also allows the gathering of many of them in prayer books; which, on closer observation, reveal themselves as a sort of “everyday Catholicism for the masses”, imparting a quantity of sound doctrinal and theological knowledge when the prayers are traditional, 

Many of the most frequent answers posed by your non-believer or non Catholic friends at the pub, and many nagging doubts of lukewarm, non-practising Catholics, can be answered simply by recalling the one or other prayer. 

“Spontaneous” prayer can very easily become an heterodox prayer, because we will naturally tend to lay our own railtrack, and it is not difficult to guess whether this own private railtrack wil follow the official one. 

I also noticed another phenomenon: that even the proponent of “spontaneous” prayers need structured prayers, even as they negate their role. 

Go to every big bookstore in an Anglo-Saxon country and you will find there huge more or less new-agey sections, with books allegedly teaching you to “pray with the angels”, or “pray for peace”, or whatever these people feel good with. The oh so powerful connection between the new-ageist and whatever he calls God still needs structure, order, discipline. Similarly, whatever crap the book peddles will be reflected in the prayers. Everyone needs this kind of structure; even tree-huggers need a “prayer of the tree-hugger”, or “morning prayers to the garden Pine”. 

In the end, therefore, everyone ends up going back to what… is the proper and sound thing to do, and to appreciate the guidance and security that only approved, orthodox prayers learnt by rote can give. 

Someone should explain it to someone very high up the Hierarchy. 

Mundabor