Ten Profound And Serene Sermon Suggestions For Busy Popes
The planet is the greatest gift God gave us. No, forget Christ’s Sacrifice on the Cross. I mean the planet. Why would Christ be so important? Salvation, you say? Ah, eh, but if we follow our conscience we are all saved, no?
Now, little children, pay attention: God forgives everything, no? Adultery, fornication, apostasy, heathenism, everything! But Creation, Creation will not forgive you! Ha! Think of it, when you pluck a flower, no?
We must be good. Because to be good is better than to be bad, no? And we are all bad at times, eh? But then we meet some profound and serene theologian, and then we can all go to communion, no?
3) Holy Ghost
The Holy Ghost is holy. Very holy. He is holy and He is a ghost, I think, which is why we call Him the Holy Ghost, no? We must listen to the Holy Ghost, little ones! When people tell us: “no, don’t listen to the Holy Ghost! There could be trouble in store!” We must answer: “eh?”. I mean, we must answer: “no, don’t close the door to the Holy Ghost! He would remain out! In the cold!And the rain! Without even an umbrella!
We are superior to angels. They are inferior to us, no? No, really, children: take it from me. You see, an Angel can never be at the “outskirts”, eh? And if he is not at the outskirts, how can he be any good? No? We are the centre of everything, no? Yes, take this from me again! Well, then…
5) Time of Mercy
We live in the time of mercy. Mercy is good, no? Mercy is better than revenge, eh? We are all in need of mercy, at time. Some of us have counted their rosaries, and others live with their concubines, no? This is not good, eh? I mean, the rosary? They have sent me more than 3,000 of them! Counted! Please, don’t laugh!
Mercy also mean we can all have our little slips, no? Like a bit of sodomy, eh? But if you have a good heart and follow the Lord, who am I to judge?* (*© Francis 2013).
6) The Four Last Things
I can never imagine God would do more than slap us on the wrist, no? I mean, come on! Seriously?
7) Social Justice
There are so many poor around! Being poor is good, but not being poor is very, very bad! Being poor is good, but it is bad that there are the poor, no? I mean, make poverty history! ¡Hasta la Victoria siempre! In South America we are very strict on social justice, and look ar how prosperous we are!
8) Doctrinal security.
Doctrinal security is very bad, because it attracts people who count rosaries, no? It also offends people of other faiths, or none, eh? We all offend at times, but we must not do it, hey? People who count rosaries are bad. Doctrinal security is good only if you aren’t too sure, no? If you really must say it, say “I think I am sure”! It’s better when we all get along, no?
We must not judge. We must not do like the Neo-Pelagians, Restorationists, Old Maids, Flight Assistants, Pharisees, Rosary-Counters, Joyless people, people who pray by rote, unsmiling Catholics, Catholics with excessive doctrinal security, and gossipets. All these people have no faith, and we must not be like them, because to be like them is to be judgmental, no?
There are bad things in the Vatican, no? I mean, Leprosy! But if one is gay (yes, I said “gay”) and seeks The Lord, who am I to judge, hey? And they don’t go around with ID cards, no? But it’s bad, bad! My friend the Monsignor described it to me in detail! Boy, it was ugly!