Rescuing Pollyanna (If At All Possible…)

Pity Pollyanna. She is having a horrible time. First the Synod weeks, and the obvious pressure from Francis to have the Bishops embrace heresy. Then the bitchy rant at the final address. Then the Hen-Goddess new religion and, unless I am forgetting something, another Scalfari impromptu-interview.

Pollyanna is devastated. She had told you the man Scalfari was very old, and sooo unprofessional he would not even use a recorder. Old, half-commie, atheist gaga! Who would trust him?

Turns out, Francis does! Again, and again! Actually, it seems Francis trusts the man every time something extremely heretical should be attributed to him, minus the smoking gun! The atheists who get saved following their own conscience, the reprobates who are destroyed rather than suffering in eternity, and now the ways to be paved to allow adulterers to receive: all come from the trusted pen, and the switched-off recorder, of the old gaga to whom Francis keeps coming back!

Pity, pity poor Pollyanna! She must be suffering as atrociously as the adulterer who won’t give up adultery, but want to receive communion!

Sniff!! Pass the Kleenex, fast!


As the Year Of False Mercy is approaching, I took pity myself, and have decided to help Pollyanna keep deluding herself. This, I find very charitable, and the height of mercy.

I therefore suggest to Pollyanna the adoption of the following lines:

1. Francis hates Scalfari. Francis’ is a cunning plan to expose Scalfari’ mendacious assertions. I mean, Francis a heretic? Who would believe that? (Here Pollyanna must laugh out loud, undeterred from the fact that no one else around her does).

2. Francis is meeting Scalfari again and again because he wants to convert him. This is also why he is such thick friends with every heretic in red or purple. What a cunning strategy!

3. This interview never took place. Nor did the other ones. Lombardi is an accomplice of Ms Chaouqui in trying to expose and demolish Francis’ papacy, saying the interviews really took place. They didn’t, I’m telling ya! Francis is simply too good to humiliate Lombardi! His goodness is being abused by evil people! Bad, bad wolves all around! We must protect the Pontiff from them! (A lot of emphasis on these phrases, please. Exclamations galore. It discourages thinking).

4. Francis wants to initially cause scandal, and appear a heretic. When Catholics stand up for Truth, Francis will intervene and say: “see? You got it now! This was the best way to let you understand the beauty of orthodoxy!” Oh, the ways of the Lord! The Ho,ply Ghost is working for us through Francis as I speak!

5. Francis wants Satan to believe he (Francis) is on his (Satan’s) side. This way, Satan will become complacent, and will start making a lot of mistakes. At this point, Francis will launch a huge attack against heresy. I am sure of this. No, really. My cousin’s best friend is persuaded, too. And boy, he is smart…

6. Francis is infallible. Always. Therefore, he cannot be wrong. Don’t be a bad Catholic. We follow Peter!

7. Francis makes us uncomfortable. This is good. It means that we need to reflect on where the Church is going. “Do you still not get it?”

8. The Holy Ghost must have great surprises in store for us. This is so exciting!

9. I am sure Francis has everything sorted. He is the Pope. He knows best. Who am I to judge?

10. Don’t be so angry. “Be like a little child!”


Well, I have done my best.

It required a great effort. It comes handy I love Kafka.

But no, it did not work.

Pollyanna simply cannot be rescued anymore.


Posted on November 4, 2015, in Catholicism, Conservative Catholicism, Traditional Catholicism and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Have you been reading Patheos again?

  2. Mundy, I believe I met Pollyanna’s brother not too long ago.


  3. Really funny. Thank you for cheering me up.

    If only people would start expecting more of themselves. For example, if they wouldn’t think that love is making others feel good, then they would take more seriously their responsibilities as parents, spouses, co-workers, teachers, priests, elected representatives (are there still any that have really been elected?), neighbours.
    I heard a priest last Sunday say: People today ask: “You wann’a me be a saint or something?” – as though being a saint is a bad thing, something unattainable or even undesirable.
    Yes, if I love you, I want you to be wise, good, kind, honest, always giving thanks to God, humble and patient. Nothing less will make me happy for you. I love you so much, I will never support you in anything that turns you away from the path walked in obedience to God.

  4. I too love Kafka. As Pollyanna’s sight fades, and she feels death approaching the last thing she will hear is “that door is for you. I’m going to close it now.”
    Pity poor Pollyanna.

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