Planet Rubio And Asteroid Donald
In a Galaxy Far, Far Away there is a very, very small planet scientists have called Planet Rubio.
On Planet Rubio logic does not count. Defeats are victories. Every delusion makes you excited about the great time to come. The more you lose, the more excited you become.
On Planet Rubio winning does not count. Winning is for losers. What count is that you lose for long enough that every other planet decide that it is Planet Rubio, which loses so well, which must lead the Galaxy Far Far Away to luminous destinies. Why is that? Because the inhabitants of Planet Rubio say so. We are the best. Look at how well we always lose!
On Planet Rubio, common sense is an insult. Those who carry the masses will never win general elections, and they will lead everyone to unavoidable defeat. Those who always lose are the best guarantors of final victory. Don’t ask. This is Planet Rubio.
Planet Rubio has a problem. A huge asteroids is said to be on collision course with the small planet. Strangely enough, the Asteroid is many, many times bigger than the small planet. And it is angry, too. But the inhabitants of Planet Rubio, for whom logic is something that must be despised and facts are just hindrances to be set aside, refuse to see the asteroid rapidly approaching. The huge Asteroid is called Donald, and there is a widespread feeling that the impact will completely destroy the small planet inhabited by deluded dreamers with too much time and too much money to waste. The TV says the impact will happen on the 15th. Yep, that would be Tuesday.
On Planet Rubio no one is fazed. “The Asteroid is clearly already disintegrating”, they say with an almost admirable effort of reality avoidance. “And even if the asteroid were to impact”, they go on, “our small planet will surely destroy the much bigger asteroid”. Thus, the inhabitants of Planet Rubio go on living their logic-free lives and do not care about the impact; or, at least, this is what they say.
The voice of logic would demand that the small planet Rubio should, very simply, give way to the Asteroid and avoid an impact that will destroy many of his inhabitants. This would, so the reasonable people think, also avoid the utter humiliation of the local ruler, whom they call (though they never say so officially, because he would get angry) Little Marco.
If Little Marco had some logic in himself he would see the wisdom of that. He would also realise that, in this way, his little planet might keep some influence within the Galaxy, rather than being simply pulverised and remembered for the ashes scattered all over the ether. But Little Marco does not “do” logic. On his planet you just don’t do such things. Which is why Little Marco steers his little planet straight against Asteroid Donald.
Good luck to you, little unthinking planet. Good luck to you, Little Marco. Only some extremely rare concatenation of events may now prevent the impact, unless you decide to steer your little planet away from the Asteroid at the very last minute. But you will not do it.
You will lead your little, unthinking planet against the Asteroid with a smile, and proclaim victory until the very moment of the terrifying impact.
On Planet Rubio everyone appears so relaxed. Everywhere else the comment is always the same:
Boy, this will hurt!