Titian, "Doge Antonio Grimani before the Allegory of Faith"

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I was a lapsed Catholic. Moved by the obvious disinterest which priests around me showed in Catholic values and Mass attendance, badly catechised, and surrounded by a more and more secular world, I started to lose the habit of thinking with the Church that had been rudimentally transmitted to me as a child. Slowly, other things went out of the window, due to the influence of the secular values when one stops seeking the nourishment only the Sacraments can give. I preferred to consider abortion a terrible evil I would not have the courage to avoid, and preferred to leave it at that. I refused, or rather neglected, to think rationally about the necessary consequences of being a Catholic. I was the socially conservative version of the Cafeteria Catholic. I was disgusted by fags; but mainly only out of common decency, rather than of deeply felt religious values.

In all this, never one day, never one minute did I lose the faith in God. Feeling abandoned by the platitudes of the V II Church and not yet acquainted with Traditionalism (a movement I really discovered only in 2005, thanks to the Internet), I spent countless hours with “do it yourself” exercises, with up to seven different Bibles on my table, trying to understand and deepen the faith about which I felt so strongly, if confusedly, and which made me despise the secular priests of questionable virility I saw around me and on TV, and the shallow rhetoric of poverty and social justice that had nothing supernatural in it.

Faith is the biggest grace I ever received, and never losing faith for one second is, in itself, a grace in the grace. I feel as if a good God would patiently wait, through my Years Of Stupidity, until I finally found the fountain of pure water, Catholicism as it was always intended and had never been taught to me. Coherent, logical, manly, as beautiful and as hard as a diamond.


I confess that I suffer of “excessive doctrinal security”. I could, if it depended on me, depose Francis, defrock him, and send him to die at the stake without flinching; and I would be ready and proud to be called at my own judgment there, on the spot, whilst the Argentinian’s corpse is still burning, and the smoke still rising high in the Roman sky.

Faith is a grace, that I have obviously not deserved. But I think it my duty to make use of it, and help others along the way.

And I want you to see it, this faith. I want you to feel it, I want it to jump on you unexpectedly, like a lion. You may disagree with me, hate me, mock me. But my faith, you will not be able to deny or even ignore.

It is a grace. Fully undeserved. Given to a wretched sinner, concerned about his own salvation more than it’s comfortable to him. Given to him, I think, so that he may use it to help others.


However, even if I had not been graced with a strong faith, and had gone through periods of doubt – something up to now always spared to me, but common to even many saints in form of perceived distance of God from them, or of punishing spiritual aridity – never would I dare to present my doubts, my trembling and wobbling faith, as something desirable, or that makes me more “complete” than the one who never had such doubts.

“Never doubted God? You’re missing something, my boy’!”

Who would be such an idiot as to express himself in that way? Someone without faith, of course. Someone who cannot avoid thinking in totally secular terms, and likes it, and wants you to think in the same way. Someone who thinks so much in terms of moral relativism and pensiero debole, that he boasts of his own lack of faith.

Someone, in short, like this one.



Posted on June 20, 2016, in Bad Shepherds, Catholicism, Conservative Catholicism, Traditional Catholicism and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I had the same gift of faith given to me in 1998 after a lifetime spent mocking namby-pamby Christians. Like a thunderbolt, it hit me that I believed in HIM. I read my way into the Church, only to find it in process of self destruction. I totally understand your anger. What is being pumped out of Rome is mostly pure evil.

  2. M, thanks for this encouraging story!

  3. It’s 4p in the states and I’m sure it’s partly because I haven’t eaten yet today, but that made me nauseous to read what Francis said. I will be 42 next month and I have never doubted God’s existence once in my life. I was brought up in a cult like branch off of the Nazarene Protestant Church. Before I became a Roman Catholic I did have a crisis of religions when my son’s great-grandmother died. She had been a lifelong Catholic til her first husband died and then she converted to Judaism to marry her second husband who preceeded her in death. She had a Jewish burial. I have never doubted God the Father but for reasons I won’t go in to her death sparked a conflict within me as to whether Jesus was truly who He said He was. I don’t remember how long I wrestled with it, I don’t think it was really more than a month or two but I think it was an inspiration from Heaven that finally enlightened me. If Jesus wasn’t who he professed to be the Apostles wouldn’t have risked their lives and eventually lost them for a lie. I’ve been praying for her soul ever since I became Catholic. I asked one of my first priests about her converting from Catholicism to Judaism and he was rather blunt about how he saw it and he didn’t see it as being good. Which is why I think it’s sick beyond words that Francis would say things like this. The eternal salvation of souls are at stake here. I have prayed to God and offered to suffer anything he’s willing to send me to get rid of him and send us a good, holy, faithful Pope.

    • If you want to further investigate the matter, I suggest you read Fulton Sheen’s “Life of Christ”. An extremely cogent demonstration of Christ’s divinity which is also easy and entertaining to read.
      Your relative thought with her vagina instead of with her brains. Some women think their feelings have the right to trump God. I shudder at thinking what her final destiny has been.

  4. Thank you for sharing your journey, Mundy. And like you, I too never questioned the existence of God or whether Jesus Christ was God…even when I was total heathen and lost in the sick secular world. Maybe it was God’s justice for us not having been given the right catechesis. But you nailed it: it was a gift. An undeserved one. To this day I could never imagine insisting that my mortal sin be accepted by the Church…it was unfathomable. Yet another gift:+)

    Thank you for pointing out the lack of supernatural faith in Pope Francis, he even lacks the gift of our actual grace bestowed on us while apart from the Church. Maybe a consequence of trying to fight Our Lord within His own Church?

    I for one am very grateful Our Lord gave you that gift and the desire to pursue truth and the faith…and like you, I didn’t discover the gem of Tradition until later…but what a treasure to behold. “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you.” Our Lord’s promises coming true yet again:+)

    God bless you always dear Mundy:+)

  5. That’s my story too, having been schooled and liturgised in the 70’s, 80’s (ugh!) and 90’s. Except I went looking to various brands of protestantism for a decade, all of which fall far short of any rational integrity.

    Read my way back to the Church, found the Traditional Mass shortly after, and vowed to never again fall victim to the modernist sentimental junk I was force fed.

    All of the Catholics I grew up with have gone. Every single one. There was one friend left who appeared to have kept at least something resembling the Faith.

    Caught up with him two weeks ago. He has abandoned the Church completly now.

    There is no one left in all those I knew to be Catholic in my youth.

    I will fight until I die, by God’s grace, the evils in doctrine and liturgy that have destroyed my generation.

    Thanks for this post. I laughed my head off when you wrote about the smoke rising in Rome!

    • A sad tale, Mike, but I think not an unusual one. I am more fortunate in that as I can still call friends people of solid Catholic faith. However, one can see the damage around him without any difficulty.

  6. One man said, “I converted to Catholicism because it has hope.”

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