How I Solved The Amazon’s Priest Problem And Made Everybody Happy

I have, thanks to a sudden inspiration of the Spirit, solved once and for all the problem of the lack of priests in the Amazons.

The rescue of the local souls will take place as follows.

1. A contingent of US Bishops, of those who love to talk about inequality the most, will be sent down there first. These worthy men of the cloth will, certainly, enthusiastically follow the call to “become poor”, and “be the other”. Their example will cause the entire world to wonder at their saintliness. Including auxiliary bishops, we should have at least 100 new “priests” down there in no time. Oh, what a wonderful example of modesty and dedication they will give!!

2. The second contingent will be formed of those clerics (from simple priests to Monsignors to Bishops) from South America who have, at some stage in their career, praised the governments of Venezuela or Bolivia as examples of social justice in action. No doubt, they will be delighted to be transferred to a region where the simple, but profound spirituality of the locals (people, remember, from whom the Church can learn much) will make it so much easier to edificate communities of sincere Christians, who put solidarity before possessions in harmony with the message of our beloved Pope Francis. I would say that 100 to 200 of these worthy individuals will be found in no time.

3. Should this still not be sufficient, more innovative measures will be adopted. The priests in the press offices or PR departments of all European Dioceses will be required to march down there at once. No active priestly duties will be found missing in ole Europe. The worthy clerics will, as always, teach everybody how to do it. In particular, the German staffeln will soon educate everyone to the German, that is, correct way of doing everything, ja?

There. Up to 500 consecrated priests sent down in two weeks. Should take care of the locals all right.

Oh, wonderful example of piety and disinterest! Oh, multinational cooperation of souls! Oh, moving example of loving embrace between the pen and the tattoo, the PhD and the profound spirituality of the forest! Oh, beautiful ecology of Saint Greta The Holy Fool Of God!

This is so humble, so eco, so Francis that I am sure that the Spirit is involved in this from the very start!

I expect my canonisation between 12 and 18 months after my death, which will happen as late as practically feasible.

My monument shall be placed in the Vatican Garden.

In the exact place where, now, heathen gods are worshiped.

Posted on October 16, 2019, in Traditional Catholicism. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Brilliant plan Mundabor in that it both solves the Amazonian priest problem, gives those fortunate clergy a sure road to sanctity, and simultaneously provides them something Catholic to do.

    There are also other collateral benefits we will not mention at the present time.

  2. Those 500 priests wouldn’t last two days in the jungle. They may idealize the life of the “noble savage” but the old poofs are too accustomed to their comforts to endure primitive hardships. The Amazon Synod is all for show, exploiting the natives as a pretext to further revolutionize the Church. Since when has Francis been interested in the salvation of souls? How many times have we heard his rants against evangelization, and proselytism being solemn nonsense? He and his liberation theology pals have manufactured a crisis to which they already have prepared the solutions.

  3. And to support the dire need to avert “Climate Change” they won’t be flown or driven in by evil carbon-fueled transports but floated up the Amazon in dug-out canoes made by muslim refugees in Italy.

  4. Santo Subito!

  5. Bravo Mundabor! I could not have done better. Perhaps the only missing ingredient for making the Amazon a heaven on earth would be a contingent of handsome young Italian actors to build enough roads for the Nuns on the Bus to spread their message of lurrve. Within a few years a new El Dorado would rise amid the trees, inducing the ‘Bishop in White’ to relocate to the peripheries. Viva Papa Cucaracha!

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