Thy Will Be Done

I can’t look at the news anymore as I feel like this is giving me a cancer. But I can’t sleep well at night, either. I wake up and pray and pray, at some point exhaustion wins and I have an uneasy sleep, dreaming horrible stuff about a demented nincompoop now President, and a harpy laughing like the evil witch in a cheap movie.

I have lost 2 kilos in a few days out of sheer inquietude, then gained them again as it was clear that Trump really wanted to fight this to the end.

Most of all I blame myself for – besides praying, of course – not being able to abandon myself to God’s perfect Will. “Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry” has become “Pray, Worry, and Don’t Sleep”. Working on it, though.

Every day that this fight goes on some good news trickle its way to me. It is very encouraging how many of my colleagues come to me to signal their support for Trump (I am never particularly shy about my political orientation). Still, I wonder if this is like the Wehrmacht rejoicing at the initial success of the Battle of the Bulge. I think it’s better than that, but you get my drift.

Still, I found some peace (and regained my weight) when it was clear to me this is going to be fought, then there is little that is worse than impotent rage at a great injustice consumed under your eyes, without you being able to do anything.

I also see encouraging signs of a culture war that will keep raging on even if this particular battle should be – quod Deus avertat! – lost. Newt Gingrich very recently was the stuff of legends, the likes of Jim Jordan represent the next generation, however this goes.

But I should practice what I preach, relax, pray in serenity, go on with my life, and put my trust in the Lord whatever happens. Still, here I am, before 6 in the morning, tired before the day has started, feeling like a truck has gone over me, another day in front of me when I try to avoid the news and focus on work, of which – by God’s grace – there is a lot.

I’ll have to revisit the “Abandonment to Divine Providence”.

But I think I’ll keep that in reserve for the case we lose.