A Strange Story

And it came to pass that Yours Truly presented himself, as debonair (two generations ago, one would have said “gay”) as ever, to the wine shop, where he soon appeared at the till with a selection of fine Italian wines.

At that point, something strange happened, which I am bound to duly report.

“£227, please”, said the man at the till.

“Er, no”, answered yours truly.

“What do you mean, no?” – said the man at the till, perplexed.

“I mean, no” – I answered, quite naturally, in a perfectly even voice.

“There is no mistake, Sir. The labels have been electronically scanned. You can make the addition yourself if you want”.

“I know what the price adds to” – I answered, without the slightest facial muscle moving.

“What is it, then?” – said the guy.

“It’s the cap”.

“The… cap?”

“The cap”.

“I don’t understand”

“Let me explain it to you ” – I said with great condescension – “There is now a cap on the price of Barolo. It can never exceed £7.50 a bottle.

“What?” – said the incredulous man.

“For the Amarone, it’s £8. The Brunello, instead, is capped at £9. Therefore, I owe you £96.”

“Wh… who said that? Is this a special offer?” (makes a gesture to call his supervisor).

“No” – I said, patiently, and with the facial expression of a teacher having to deal with Greta Thunberg – “it’s not a special offer. It’s a cap. The cap is the maximum price that can be paid for a certain article”.

“The max… what? Who has set this cap?”

” I did. In fact, I did it together with a bunch of friends of mine, all very interested in your wines. We have grouped together and have imposed the cap. The cap establishes the price at which you will now have to sell your wines, as explained one minute ago. Again, this is my card. Where do I tap?”

“But… but… *you* don’t make the prices, Sir! This establishment does!” – The man was, by now, struggling to contain a surprise rapidly veering towards indignation.

“Tut, tut..” – said I, my face by now Goodness itself… – “this was before, my good man. Nowadays, things have changed. Commerce is now based on caps. We decide a cap, you sell to us at the capped price we have fixed. Again, this is the card.”

---

… and then something very, very strange happened.

I was asked to leave the premises.

I did not get any wine. Not even one bottle.

I was told that I was not welcome in the establishment and would be refused entry if I tried to visit again.

Very, very strange.

Bizarre.

…..

….

I need to call Ursula.

Something is not working properly.