They Were Mistranslated

I must confess, I wasn’t aware of it until now.

It was only today that I opened my eyes.

I have, on this day, discovered the source of all the machismo that has plagued the world for so long. Of the mysoginy, the discrimination of women, the violence against women. Of the whyyyte sup-pre-ma-aaasseeee!

I now know why, and how, and when. I have to admit, I have been blind. I know, now, where the fault lies. I know who the culprit is.

He has caused so much suffering. So much hate. So much oppression. He has caused women to be considered second-rate for sooo long! He is at the root of all ray ciss mm; he is the creator of the dreaded Whyte Supremacyyy!

It was Saint Jerome!

Think with me, if you please.

The so-called Church of England has announced the creation of a commission to examine eliminating or toning down God as Father. Of course, Referring to God as a “he” has been a discrimination against wymyn, which was foundational to their oppression, for two thousand years. The Church of England (so-called) are really, really nice people, so they must be on the side of the Angels! In one word: they must be right.

Now, follow me closely: it was Jesus Himself who referred to God, many times but especially in the “Our Father”, as Father. Jesus is God. Therefore, this looks like God saying he wants to be thought of, and adored as, an omnipotent father figure.

Will I, therefore, blame Jesus?

No, I cannot do that. Blaming Jesus means not being Christian, and I want to be such an inkkk luuusive, femmm iiiinn iiiiist C-C-C-Christian! I cannot accept that God Himself was, well, wrong! Still, I will never doubt that I am right!!

How to get out of this situation? I thought long and hard, even if I realise now that both these words, “long” and “hard”, are symbols of male oppression!

I think I will blame the author of the Vulgata himself! You see: if Saint Jerome had properly interpreted the true s-s-s-s-spirit of Jesus’ words, he would never have adopted such a preposterously sexist translation for Our Person’s Words. He would have, instead, translated the word with Parent instead of Father!

“Our Parent, who are in heaven, hallowed be their name…”

See, how easy it is?

If St Jerome had been more considerate of the s-s-s-s-scientific meaning of Jesus’s words, he would have used a gender-neutral translation at the very least! I

In fact, as Jesus was clearly a “He”, I think s-s-s-s-science will soon conclude that, as a result, God might well be a she! Look, the Hindu do the same, and they are sooo kind to the cows!!!

Look: I do not want to advocate for Our Mother here, though I think that She would not be offended, at all! I am just saying that we need to understand the implicit bias of the male official translator of the Bible into Latin.

He was a male! All Apostles were! They had no access to the proper gender awareness and micro aggression seminars! They were, unavoidably, the product of an oppressive society!! Who knows, we might soon discover that there were, in fact, 24 apostles, of which 12 were women!

Look, I am just being logical, scien tttiii fiiiic here! No way would They (=God) allow such a blatant discrimination to happen! I am sure the wymyn wrote better Gospels, too! All the sensitiviteee, with none of the machismo!

There. I am persuaded now. It cannot have been any other way.

Thank Them, I realised all this in time….