Meet The Family From Hell

Papa B is quite the creepy guy. He loves to swim naked in his swim pool in the presence of the security people; whether he does it just because ho loves to anger people showing his power, like Francis does, or – more likely – out of sheer exhibitionism we do not know. I am for the second, big time.

Papa B also likes to sniff girls. No, really sniff them. Again, whether inappropriate touching goes on when the cameras are not there we don’t know; but the creepiness is such, that he can’t resist the sniffing even when cameras are running. Very, very creepy guy, Papa B.

Have you ever heard the saying talis pater, talis filius? Well, with Papa B this is certainly the case.

Papa B has a son, whom we will call H. H is a total train wreck, in more ways than one. He is, to start with, a crack cocaine addict. Congratulations, Papa B: the moral fortitude and character strength you have transmitted to your son is exemplary. But it does not end there. H, who never would or could get a real working life, likes women a bit too much. Being lazy, and creepy as papa, and actually clearly a pervert, he is not averse to sleeping with… the widow of his brother, because some things clearly have to stay within the family. The morality of the family shines on this occasion, as the inconsolable widow decides that, if one brother has died, the other will have to do.

But it does not end here. Filled with the high principles so well inculcated in the family, the daughter of the widow gets a crush on dear Uncle H, the crack cocaine addict. “If mama sleeps with uncle, why should I not do the same, too?”, the chaste girl asks herself.

H, being the pervert that he is, is clearly intentioned to screw the daughter of his brother, because the family is sacred. Unfortunately for Uncle Crack Romeo and Niece Slut Juliet, Mama Slut intervenes (whether out of jealously or normalcy, we will never know; I bet on the first) and the entire family forces a separation of the two sweethearts. Incest prevented. For now.

But H is a strange guy. Feeling that he is not protected enough – these crack dealers can be a tad shady, I suppose – the proud son of Papa B, who is very much in favour of extremely strong gun control, goes on and procures himself a gun, apparently under the influence of crack. One of his lovers – can’t bother to check who, might well have been Mama Slut – then just throws the gun into a bin, as you do. The fact is discovered and things take their course. Poor H, the world truly hates him, and everybody is out to get him!

More strange things go on in H’s life. Whilst clearly a good-for-nothing, it appears that being the son of a very powerful papa strongly encourages the development of artistic tendencies, with paintings going away for 4.5 million. A sort of Crack Cocaine Picasso, if you ask me. Amazing, what talents a drug addict good-for-nothing can develop.

Lastly – for now – we have the sudden managerial talent of H, who develops such a deep knowledge of energy markets that he is appointed to the board of a big Ukrainian energy company. Let nobody say that this is because of papa. This would be insulting to the character of such a man. Let us also nobody say that “10% for the big guy” refers to, well, Papa B being the big guy cashing in on the bribes for business procured under his influence. This would be slander, libel, fake news. Like that legend, invented by White S-S-S-Supremacisssts, that there would be a laptop full of compromising pictures and emails. These racist Trumpers really have no shame.

I will leave it here. You may think that this one – Papa B, Son H, Slutty Juliet and Mama Slut – are a family from hell.

But I am a lifelong Democrat with the rainbow flag outside my balcony, and therefore think that they are the … modern Democrat family.