SuperVlad, Or: The Unbelievable Superpowers Of Vladimir Vladimirovic Putin.

The end of the Coup….

If you are a BBC listener believing their rubbish, by now you must be persuaded that Vladimir Vladimirovic Putin has Hollywood-like superpowers. You must, in fact, be wondering whether all that sugary Hollywood fiction isn’t surpassed by reality.

Let us see all the way Putin has achieved Super Hero status.

The Generals

The Ukrainian Army has, as faithfully reported by the BBC, killed more than 2 dozens Generals. However, most of these generals have appeared, mere weeks after their killing, in various televised or filmed ceremonies. This is Big Super Hero Power.

The Money

We were reliably informed that Russia has no money, and the “war” (as they called it, poor lambs…) posed an unsustainable burden on Russia’s finances. I heard the “£30bn a day”-stuff elsewhere, but the BBC was pushing the same narrative. Therefore, it was true. Fast forward seven and a half months, and the Russians are still paying their costs and, now, multiplying them. Inflation is going down, and the Rouble strong as never before, so they aren’t “printing”. I think it’s Putin’s Super Duper Powers.

The Ammo

The BBC has accurately reported that the Russian Army was exhausting their missiles in March, their shells in April and their rockets in May. Still, Russia kept, after exhausting their reserves, using such astonishing amounts of them that only the Super Duper Powers of SuperVlad can be behind this feat.

The Morale

The BBC said, and it is therefore true, that the Russians refused to advance and fight from the first weeks of the conflict. Since then, the Russians have taken one heavily fortified position after the other. As I write this, they are relentlessly closing on a very big prize: Bakhmut, which would likely be there with Mariupol and Kherson in the list of the Greatest Conquests. This guy has the power to transform himself into Alexander the Great 2.0.

The Cancer And Alzheimer

Remember Putin “holding the table tight” when speaking to Shoigu? Remember the various news of terminal stage cancer? Putin was, clearly, very ill and running out of time. But this is when SuperVlad intervened, and he now looks fit as a fiddle, every day; one of the fittest 70 years old I ever saw.

The Coups

Several coups have taken place since February. I was informed of one of those one fine Saturday morning in May. This was not from the BBC, but from Classic FM (these are the Buggers Broadcasting Classical instead of Communism). The source was MI 6. Bond. James Bond. Therefore, it was clearly happening. SuperVlad must have destroyed all his opposers with his superpowers and the help of his “Vlad Sabre”, which reduces his opponents to perfectly grilled, salted, and seasoned Russian Shashlik. Yes, he can do that, too…

I suspect that SuperVlad’s Superpowers extend beyond the ones I have just mentioned. However, as I don’t listen much to the BBC, this is all I have for now.

And now if you excuse me, I have to leave this keyboard, because this army, which has run out of everything, seems to have launched another major strike just this morning…