An Easter Confession

sunset-hands-love-woman

[EDIT: APRIL FOOLS’ DAY EDITION!]

[The Companion To Yesterday’s April Fools’ Day’s Post]

I profit from this day to make an announcement that I have wanted to make for some time; not finding, alas, the courage to do so until now. I ask all my readers to take the news in a charitable way. 

Some months ago, I fell in love.  I fell in love as desperately and as intensely as I did not remember doing since my early Twenties, in the sun-drenched Italy of my youth, at the very dawn of the Eighties. It was (and is!) a life-changing, excruciating, devastating and exhilarating experience. 

My love was (and is!) reciprocated. She is a wonderful being. Sweet, feminine, caring, nurturing. She has kept a youthful innocence even after the scars (emotional and, in part, physical) a violent husband left on her. Her two children (7 and 5) are the joy of her life and, slowly, of mine. 

I tried to resist. I told myself this could not be. I thought that the Devil was tempting me. She is married in the Church, as a Catholic. Her husband still lives and, whilst he is a functional alcoholic, he will likely live for a long, long time. My world fell on me with the weight of the Dome in St Peter. 

I prayed and prayed some more. I told her I could not see her anymore, several times. Still, I found myself unable to resist the challenge. 

Slowly, very slowly, I started to see things from another perspective; the perspective of my heart. 

Can a love so pure, so inspiring, so uplifting, be sinful?  Can such an ecstatic union of two bodies (her one, very beautiful; a hymn to Creation itself) be mortally sinful? And what about the children? They look at me with their innocent eyes, and I can see I am the father they always wanted to have, and their little immortal souls deserve. When they look at me in their loving, trusting way, I cannot but see Christ’s blessing descending on me in a wave of bliss. Shall they be punished for their alcoholic father?

When they’re near me, it’s so delicious. They’re the answer to my wishes. 

I tormented myself for long (for too long!) with this matter. And then it dawned on me.

Love is God.  

If it’s pure, how can it be sinful? If it’s joyful, how can it not be from God? 

Now, I am at peace. I do not feel dirty anymore. I feel that Jesus smiles on me, and approves of my abandoning myself to Love. 

I have not had the nerve to present myself at the Communion table yet. I am praying and praying, hoping to understand what I should do about it. The diocese near the one where I live is led by a bishop who has expressed himself in favour of Amoris Laetitia. I am now torn, and in the middle of the stream. Old Mundabor would never dare. New Mundabor (the one kindled by love)  begins to understand he should not be so judgemental. 

Love works in mysterious ways.  

At time, love may change a cantankerous, middle-aged, passionate but often more than mildly acidic blogger like me. 

I might stop writing this blog. I might stop going to church. I might have fooled everyone, including myself, these last eight years. But I now know love.  

I ask you to pray for me, and to celebrate love with me; then Love is God, and I can see it very clearly now. 

M

 

 

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Posted on April 1, 2018, in Traditional Catholicism. Bookmark the permalink. 77 Comments.

  1. Good one, Mundabor. You had me only briefly when you started speaking of being in love. 🙂 A blessed Easter to you.

  2. Mundabor, sadly you are fooling yourself, this woman is married in the eyes of God, “ in sickness and in health, for better, for worse “! Do you put her and your feelings before the commandments of God! Satan is tempting you, True love requires sacrifice, if you truly love this woman do not put her immortal soul ( and yours) in danger.Fast and pray, I will keep you in my prayers.

  3. Oh Mundabor. How devastated I am to read this blog. You have been tempted and fallen. You talk about ‘love’. Jesus says, “If you love me keep my commandments.” You are now guilty of adultery and so is your lady friend.You both need to get yourselves to confession asap. I cannot believe you are contemplating presenting for communion. You will so regret what you have done. You can fool yourself for so long but not for the rest of your life.

    Your lady friend married “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health til death do us part.” She is breaking her sacred vows.

    You need to come to your senses and get back your once sharp judgement.

    So sad to see another good one bite the dust.

    Prayers,

    Christine

  4. Whaaat? Oh wait — it’s April 1st! Good one, M!

  5. Ha! You had us there, Mundy dear!

    God bless you!

  6. Mundy.You stated in a previous post that Francis cannot abolish one iota of Truth.That remains so-no matter how emotions play into a given situation.Mortal sin is Mortal sin.I will pray for you.Pray that God will guide you in your particular situation.God Bless.

  7. Good on you and God Bless all of you and don’t give up your faith.

  8. You nearly had me fooled. Then I saw the date

  9. blueskirtwaltz

    April Fools and a Blessed Easter to you, Mundabor.

  10. Just realised that it is April Fool’ s day, so I hope you are ‘ having us on’??!

  11. Easter TRUMPS April Fool’s Day!

    Thank God you remain a cantankerous beacon of light!

    If love comes your way, may she be free to marry.

  12. johnfkennedy63

    Happy April 1st to you too!

  13. It is April 1, so I’m guessing this is a joke.

  14. It must be April 1, but does exemplify the attitude of so many of our forefathers – keep the law, show little affection as that wouldn’t be ‘manly’, treat your womenfolk as possessions & never ever talk to a priest about your personal problems as that would signify a lack of manly strength. Take out your struggles/grievances on the family instead. Sad, but true.

    Now, of course, everything is the other way around – men & women are free to expose themselves to the world & carry-on with whoever, whenever. It doesn’t really matter if you meet someone else more fascinating after many beers – annulments are cheap & second families (even illicit ones) are to be applauded. Of course, there is also Sodomy which used to be a hidden sin but now can be openly celebrated.

    Will the Good Lord ever come & take us out of this filthy mayhem known as Earth!

  15. Isidro Beccar Varela

    Why don’t you talk about your girl friend’s situation with a canon lawyer? It seems that it may be a case for an annullment. I know one if you wish. Don’t despair. No need for drastic measures my friend.

  16. Nice try. It might even have worked, were it not so absolutely inconceivable that a hard-bitten Italian of mature age would come down with such a bad case of Oneitis. 😉

  17. April fools, you had me though for a while. Lol

  18. Hmm… I look at the calendar and of course it’s Easter, but there’s something else…..

  19. You’re amazing. Happy Easter.

  20. Mundy, Be at peace. May Fr. Pesce Da Prile accompany you and, maybe, officiate at your celebration of love.

  21. You are considering not going to church anymore? You are going to desert the church during its darkest time since the Arian Controversy…because you are in love?! As Margaret Thatcher said to George H.W. Bush: “This is no time to go all wobbly.” How in the name of God would leaving the church — which is what you would be doing — solve your dilemma? Take your lady love to Mass with you. If you are not “involved” at this point, you are still permitted to receive communion; if you have crossed the Rubicon, do not receive. In any case, how dare you, MUNDABOR, on Easter Sunday, of all days, blithely post that you are considering stopping going to church. THAT is the one sentence in your post that has sent my blood pressure soaring. A mere three days after your readers have had to absorb the fact that our Pope doesn’t believe in Hell and obviously leaked that so the whole world would lose faith in the Catholic Church, you, who better than 99% of Catholics knows that leaving the Church would lead to Hell and that Hell DOES exist, post that you you are thinking about leaving the Church.

    You asked us to be charitable. I hope you have enough sense left to realize that this response IS charitable, that I am fighting for your soul.

    P.S. Happy Easter, Mundabor.

  22. You almost had me there! Just for a second, you almost had me. I feel ashamed!

  23. April fools.

  24. Why not get an annulment Mundabor? Wouldn’t that solve your problem or is that, too, a stumbling block? i will pray that you do what God wishes. My gut reaction is that–all things considered–getting married to the love of your life has to be net positive. After all, this is the kind of thing for which we have consciences.

  25. Caterina Assisi

    Yes, you should stop blogging in order to spend time in silence and reflection on our Lord’s commandments and His words.

    You know very well that sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin. You also know that, unless she obtains a declaration of nullity, she is not free to marry you. Emotions and loneliness have obscured clear thinking. The feeling of being in love is extremely powerful and thus can be very deceptive. Christ’s eternal Truth does not change according to our circumstances or emotions. This is not being judgemental but is spoken out of deep concern for Christ’s eternal Truth, His Church and your eternal destiny as well as hers.

  26. Mundy God bless you. What you have expressed is Godly love you have for her and her two boys. As for the would be ex-hubby God will also give him that which his heart loves most other than his wife and children. God soon will make him agree to an annulment of his marriage which will suprise you. This will therefore sort out the issue with the Bishop who supports Amoris Leititia and you will tie the knot within the truth that the church has taught and which you have defended with all your heart. I will pray a novena rosary on your behalf. God bless you in your new life full of LOVE.

  27. ilovevictoriasbows

    Since there is no longer Hell, I think you’re safe.😆 However, the same was not said of Satan, himself. So where do old homeless buggers go to live, Casa Santa Marta?

  28. I know, I know. April Fools joke! Ha ha

  29. Take this in a charitable way…I will pray that this is temporary insanity caused by the date, or perhaps a cautionary lesson about the peril for ordinary Catholics of “unclear” statements and teaching from bad bishops and the evil clown.

  30. Good one Mundabor! Good April’s Fool Day joke! Excellent. You had me going for a minute. Love your work, Thank you, Deb Lewis

    >

  31. You unfortunately are blinded and must leave this woman and all attachments to her immediately, including her children who are desperate for their real father’s love. That need is innate and given by God. Children, although wounded, love their biological parents and want their family whole.

    You said, “But I now know love.” Yet it is not a Godly love because only the evil one would bring you this temptation. It may make you feel good, but you are being deceived and your attachment/relationship with her can literally prevent the healing God wants to bring to the valid spouses. You are acting as a roadblock to God’s Will. You have no right to these feelings, nor to the married woman, nor to the children you believe would love to have you as their father. You can thank Satan himself for encouraging all this and fooling you. He is a master over human emotions.

    The love you are describing is “Eros” as opposed to “Agape” love. Eros is the romantic love that couples may feel in the beginning of a relationship, but agape is a sacrificial love, the kind of love that exists or should exist in marriage after the romantic love fades away. Agape love helps bring the union to fulfillment and lasts until one of the spouses’ death.

    Ask yourself, “Whom do I love more?” Myself, or God? It’s not about the woman–she is a mere, but dangerous temptation. Yet, if you really feel a sort of love for her you must know you are jeopardizing her soul which will condemn both her and you to hell. That is if you still believe hell exists. Sacrificial love–a truly Christ-like love–should help you break away from her. The pain can be offered up for others in the same situation.

    Ask God to purify you of the attachment. It is NOT HIS WILL!! He will do it if you allow him.

    Please read Pope Benedict XVI’s DEUS CARITAS EST (http://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est.html}

  32. I realize this story can be an April fool’s joke. I hope it is for Mundabor’s sake.

  33. April Fool’s. Too obvious. 😀

  34. Forgive me this one last comment. I realize you have come away from this relationship and have chosen God instead. Beautiful!!

  35. Yeah, but is she cute?

  36. So funny! It took me a minute. 🙂

  37. imprimipotest

    Well, as a now infamous ‘theologian’ once said: ‘Who am I to judge?’

  38. April Fools was Yesterday, Brother.

    Besides, Christ is Risen Indeed.

  39. Mundabor, Mundabor, what can I say.
    As long as it’s love and not lust,
    I think you’re OK.

    Besides, there is no hell so you really don’t have to worry. I mean, who are we going to believe – the Blessed Mother and the 3 children of Fatima, or Pope Francis?

    No sin. No hell. Therefore don’t worry and pray so much!

    Since she’s a goddess and walks in beauty in the starry night, it’s definitely true love. Love conquers all, because love is all that matters. Love means never having to say you’re sorry. It’s obviously the joy of love in an amoris laetitia sort of way.

    I am so happy for you two and especially the children. Now everyone is a family. And the family – man, woman, child(ren) – is the terrestrial image of God Who is love.

    Congratulations and best wishes to both of you – and the children too,
    Billy Chickens

    PS – Where is your wife’s husband and the children’s father?

  40. I was completely flummoxed by that until I saw the headline at canon212.

  41. I hope that this is an April Fool joke. If not, my prayers are with you.

  42. Aaargh! That was a MEAN April Fool’s joke! I actually believed you! I went slumping off from the computer muttering, “There goes another one! Soon there will nobody left but me.”

  43. Okay, I’m still looking for the #AprilFools Day tag. 🙂

  44. April Fool!

  45. Ummm? April Fools, eh?

    If not, you are suffering from eromania. it is such a delightful madness and can play tricks with one’s theology, a theology that will definitely go with the flow. The true guide here is the 6th Commandment. it is a fixed, simple point of reference that will save you a LOT of grief if you allow it to guide your decisions.

    The whole set-up is delicious, seemingly providential,most likely the most seductive temptation ever to come your way. Yet, it IS a temptation, and if you give yourself up to it,you will suffer greatly in this life, and if you do not snap out of it, in the next as well.

    The question before you is whether you love God more than her, whether you will obey Him or the madness that has come over you.. He, a jealous and all powerful God, is very interested in your decision. And if you decide for her, you shall have to suffer the consequences, which will be far, FAR more painful than she is lovely.

  46. Nice try.

  47. Happy April Fools Day to you, too!

  48. Happy Easter Mundabor!
    And Happy April Fools Day!
    It was the “mildly cantankerous” that gave it away! I don’t believe your thinking has been clouded lately.
    Hope you have a blessed Easter Season, here’s what I’ll be up too, as the guide for the fifth year. 90 people starting this year including 20+ scouts, 40 pilgrims,10 seminarians, 3-4 Priests and many support people.
    http://www.sspxflorida.com/PascuaPilgrimage/
    https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=pascua+florida+pilgrimage
    http://sspx.org/en/news-events/calendar/2018-pascua-florida-pilgrimage-33725

    I also help with a pilgrimage to Quito every January.

    http://sspx.org/en/news-events/calendar/2016-pilgrimage-quito-12858
    http://sspx.org/en/news-events/news/join-sspxs-quito-pilgrimage-12857

    Not this one but informative.

    Would love to see you on one of these.

  49. Joanne O Beirne

    I’m sorry to say you have it backwards.

    God is Love.

    He comes first, not your divorced (?) girlfriend with the two kids and ex-husband.

    I wish it were otherwise.

    I’m struggling with the same problem myself with a man who was married in the Catholic Church.

    There is no solution for us except losing our strong Faith which I’m afraid is too high a price to pay for our eternal salvation.

    Be careful Mundabor!

    I will pray for your soul.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  50. Obviously, this was an April Fools joke. Please delete my comment. Thanks!

  51. Hello, Mundabor

    I would think that the Church would grant an annulment to her – considering her circumstances with regard to her husband and his chronic unrepentance toward his sinful addiction. She would then be free to remarry, you in this case. Amoris Laetitia would be irrelevant in this situation, it seems to me.

    yours in Our Saviour,

    Robert

  52. As the great Rock n’ Roller, Buddy Holly sang, in our youth:

    That’ll be the day when I die.

    BTW,
    I am faithful to our abandoned marriage,
    since 1989.

    As Elvis said:

    Now and then there’s a fool,
    such as I!

    LOL, Mundy.

    Karl
    from the colonies

  53. Happy April Fools Day, Mundy:+) You had me for a split second there but then I remembered “Presente!” and the date:+) No emo is worth losing your immortal soul…hers, yours or your imaginary children:+) But I DO hope you find a wonderful Catholic woman to marry someday if it is God’s will…someone who is free to marry and also has the list of lovely attributes you mentioned. In the meantime, keep up the fight my brother…and Happy Easter:+) God bless~

  54. sixlittlerabbits

    Happy April Fool’s Day, Mundabor.

  55. APRIL FOOLS! Right?

  56. Brenda VanWeezel

    It took me a minute since I was focused on Easter. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Then it dawned on me. April Fool’s day is also today. Good one Mundabor.

  57. Is this an April fools’ day joke?

  58. Nicholas Mitchell

    Very clever, Mundabor! I read this a day late 😉

  59. Go to a priest. See if he can help her get her marriage annulled.
    No need to be sappy about it. Loves comes not just from the heart but also from the will.
    Prayers for you and Good Luck.

  60. Pope Francis read your post and for the first time agreed with you. Did you get a phone call?

  61. Mundo,
    If I were a marriage broker, I would match you with Ann Barnhardt…but with no warranty against domestic violence for either party.

  62. Marco Pernechele

    Bel pesce d’Aprile ! ( anzi ,un pescione ,tanto era credibile ) . Every year , regularly , someone falls into the trap…..the same happened in 1946 when the Swiss radio convinced the BBC that there had just been an excellent harvest of spaghetti from the spaghetti trees in Canton Ticino and the Moesiano .The Swiss journalists even showed the ‘spaghetti trees’ to the BBC colleagues .The BBC broadcasted the ‘fake news’ all over the world.

  63. Oh Mundabor, I really wanted to concelebrate at your wedding Mass…..but hopefully it will never happen! Under Francis Church you would’ve gotten an express dispensation to marry 🙂

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