Suggestions For My Beatification

Apr 29

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Pray that it does not die because of global warming!

Dear readers: at some point I will, like everyone of us, kick the bucket and, hopefully, be sent straight in the direction of Purgatory.

During that time of suffering and atonement, it would be a great consolation to me to know that, on earth, I have been beatified. Beatifications are not infallible, so I do not need to worry, from purgatory, that things aren't exactly like Pope Francis V thinks. I am, also, sure many of you would want to see me beatified; though you don't know anything of my sinfulness; an ignorance that is, in these cases, very convenient.

The way I propose you go about after my departure from this vale of tears is the following: any time something bad might happen, ask for my intercession that it may not happen.

For example, if I were now dead – sorry, but not right now – you could ask for my intercession for any or all of the following:

1. That there is no war over Crimea.

2. That there is no war over Eastern Ucraine.

3. That the conflict in Syria ends.

4. That Chelsea does not lose (half of you; the other half, that it may lose) against Atletico Madrid.

5. Put here three or five of your dangers you ask me to see averted.

6. Repeat the following day.

You will, then, soon notice a lot of these dangers have not transformed into the feared tragedy. You have asked me for intercession, and what was feared has not happened. If this is not a valid cause for beatification, I don't know what is, do I?

At this point, you will have tons of material to push my cause.

I am confident that, as similar causes are swiftly advancing, with your help I will reach the coveted prize still in the very first phase of my permanence in Purgatory.

“Blessed Mundabor Of Blogdom”.

Yep. Sounds good.

You don't need to start now. Wait that this blog has suddenly stopped publications for some months first. Then start with everything you can:

“That road crossing is dangerous; oh Mundabor, pray for me that I may not have a car accident in it!”

I see myself in the company of soon-to-be Blessed Paul VI already.

Mundabor

 

Posted on April 29, 2014, in Catholicism, Conservative Catholicism, Traditional Catholicism and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Elizabeth | April 29, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Thanks for a good chuckle over my morning tea, to-be-expected-Blessed Mundabor! 🙂

  2. bigfred39 | April 29, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Funny you say this because the instant that I’d read about JP’s miracle, I had thought of researching the claimed brain condition… as to spontaneous remission or misdiagnosis, etc.. But there were unfortunately no specifics given, so I couldn’t so that.

    In the next instant, my thought was about what a weird and off-putting modern receptacle they had for the relic. Very fitting, though.

  3. bougise | April 29, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Heads up: Francis will see your suppressed FFI, and raise you one liberated dissident. –> http://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/vatican-lifts-sanctions-on-silenced-irish-priest-1.1777447

    This is the last book Fr. Fagan published: http://www.amazon.com/What-happened-Sin-Sean-Fagan/dp/1856076334 Just read the blurb. Groan.

    Francis is coming more and more into his own.

  4. Richard Eaton Freeman | April 29, 2014 at 7:44 pm

    We here at the Pope St. Francis Lay Committee for Crackpot Canonizations have been made aware of your desire for beatification as “Blessed Mundabor of Blogdom” and after an exhaustive search have determined that Blessed name to .be available. The Blessed name “Blessed Mundabor of Blogdom” enrollment and Certificate of Blessedness may be obtained through us exclusively this week at a reduced rate. Our Basic Rate for Blesseds is $50,000 for the basic package on up to approximately 1 million dollars for the Deluxe Package. (Rate card enclosed) Sainthoods may be conferred for approximately twice the cost of Blessed conferrals. I cannot emphasize strongly enough that you do not need to be actually deceased to obtain Holy Designations, nor is personal sanctity or agreement with Catholic belief or teaching of the slightest importance to us. Hoping to hear from you soon. All major credit cards accepted. Paypal and Bitcoins welcomed.

  5. marykpkj | April 30, 2014 at 12:26 am

    I breathe a long sigh of relief and will sleep well tonight knowing that the name of our blessed-to-be blogger’s name is available. Mundabor, hurry and secure it with your Visa card or Bitcoins. I hate to think the name could be stolen by another less worthy soul.

    • Mundabor | April 30, 2014 at 6:25 am

      If this were the case, the unworthy sould would only end up bringing more traffic to me. Those who type “Mundabor” on the search line will only be happy with the original…

      I must deepen a bit the thing with Bitcoins one day.

      M

  6. Ubi Maria, ibi Ecclesia | April 30, 2014 at 1:17 am

    I loved this. Thank you for the laugh. You may get what you ask one day, Blessed Mundabor.